Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
