I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
