I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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