I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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