i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
