What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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