thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
