she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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