hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
