just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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