So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
