Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
