I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
