he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
