If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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