I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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