I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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