I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
