woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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