THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
