apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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