Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
