i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
