So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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