Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
