There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We talked him into tasing himself.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
