something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
