you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
