oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
