genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
