question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
