I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
