he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
