would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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