Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
