She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize