Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
