4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was like eating out sand paper
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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