Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
