i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
