More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
