One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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