in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
