i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
