Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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