6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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