So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
