I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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