she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
