i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
