she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
