I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
