I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i need to put some appletini on your dick
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize