talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
