people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
