Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My bed smells like the plague
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
