he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
