all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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