Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
