i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
