I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
