Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
