I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
