What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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