Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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