This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
