My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
