drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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