Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize