Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
