I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
