the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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