there's paper in my vomit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
