you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
