similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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