dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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