I want to make a zoo with you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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