dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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