Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
