i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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