is your mom at the bar?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this hospital has no fireball
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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