he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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