It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
