im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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