I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
