mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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