Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
