got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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