NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish you could order shots online.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
