Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
