Need sex. Gaining weight.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
