shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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