I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
