My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
