why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize