I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
